Dealing with Adultery how to cope by Mrs. Sharon White This article appeared in Crowned with Silver magazine, Sept/Oct. 2001 CWS, PO Box 6338, Longmont, CO. 80501 (I beg you to look up and meditate on each verse which is given here. God's word is the marrow we need to renew our souls and delight in His presence.) What is adultery? Jesus tells us that If any man looks on a woman to lust after her, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matthew 27 - 28) This means that many of us are guilty of adultery. If a man and a woman were caught together, In Deut. 22:22, they were to be killed. "If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man and the woman: So shalt thou put away evil from Israel." Therefore, we se how wicked it is to commit adultery. It is a terrible sin in the eyes of God. Yet, so are all the other sins! For instance, if someone willfully profaned the Sabbath, they were stoned to death! (Numbers 15:27 - 36) Hence, this makes it clear that all sins are vile in God's eyes. Does God forgive? Didn't Jesus die on the cross for our sins? Didn't He take away our punishment of death and doom in hell fire? Yes. Please, right now, put down this paper and meditate on Psalm chapter 103. Think about everything that is written and pray about it. Colossians 1:14 "In whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins." How sweet! Our Lord has forgiven all of His children of their sins. Bless the Lord for His great mercy! But a word of caution here. Don't do it again!!! Hebrews 10:26 "For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins." In order to be forgiven, one must repent. Webster's defines repentance as "sorrow or deep contrition for sin, as an offence and dishonor to God, a violation of his holy law, and the basest ingratitude towards a Being of infinite benevolence." This also means that we have to have a sickness and a regret for what happened. This regret should be so deep that we will fear and tremble at the thought of doing it again. Should we forgive our spouse? Adultery is the most painful sin to forgive because it is a violation of trust and a betrayal. But forgive we must! Matthew 6:15 "But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." We obviously all sin. And we are required to forgive others so that God will forgive us. See Matthew 18:21 - 22, where Jesus says that wea re to forgive our brother seventy times seven! Please go on and read the frightening passage that follows in verses 23 - 35! Should we Divorce? Did you know that God hates divorce? If we look in the Old Testament, we will see that Moses allowed divorce. But Jesus tells us this was done because of hard hearts. (Matthew 19:3 - 8) Divorce brings extreme sorrow. God brings the couple together and we are not supposed to break that bond with divorce or as the Bible says, by putting away. Matt. 19:6 "Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." But many say that in the case of adultery or fornication, divorce is permitted. (This is because of rebellion and hardness of heart) God is clear that he despises the breaking of marriage! In Malachi 2:11 - 16, it is described for us that Judah profaned God by marrying a woman who came from a family of idolaters who worshipped other gods. Even though he married the "WRONG" woman, the Lord still says in verse 14, ". . . Yet is she thy companion and the wife of thy covenant." She is still part of the marriage promise. God made them one, as we see in the next verse. he then says not to deal treacherously with her, in other words, not to divorce or put her away. God has made them one flesh and regardless of what happened or will happen, they are one under God. Verse 16 "For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away." Please read Matthew 10:2 - 12. Marriage is a joy. But if a divorce takes place, neither party is permitted to remarry!!! Do we want to then spend the rest of our lives alone? Isn't there a good chance that no matter who we marry, there will be problems and sins to deal with? Of course. Let us not break the commandments of God. Yes, adultery is exceeding sorrowful, very painful and difficult to deal with, but forgive that ye may also be forgiven and remain one, as God hath put you together, till death parts you. How do we deal with the day to day pain and memories? We are haunted and tormented by the thoughts of what happened or what may have happened. This is straight from the devil who wants us to remain miserable! We must not dwell on it! Push it aside, do not allow yourself to think about it because it will cripple you! Move on! I beg you to forgive and forget as best you can. When the memories come back, pray, study the Bible, cry, hug your spouse and get through it together. Time will heal all wounds. This too shall pass. Storms are always followed by a rainbow and a calm. Psalms 107:29 - 30 "He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still. Then are they glad because they be quiet, so he bringeth them unto their desired haven." Why did God allow this to happen? God has a plan. He knows what we are going to do, as well as what we've done. He allows only those things to happen which are part of His plan. Perhaps it was to teach us a lesson. The offender, maybe, needed to be abased and turn away from the sins of this life in order to draw closer to God. Perhaps the innocent one needed a trial to help the spouse. Perhaps it was to bring them closer together. No one knows why, except the couple. It will be revealed to them in time if they faithfully seek God and the Scriptures and pray that He will share His divine wisdom. You must emotionally support your spouse Let me just use the example of the husband in the wrong just to make this easier to write. If your husband has committed adultery, you need to love him and have compassion. God has pity on us, we must have mercy and pity on our husbands. The way you behave right now, dear wife, could either draw your husband closer, or push him away. Be the sweet, loving, and forgiving wife, with the help of God Almighty and stand by your man. You are a family for all of this life. Do not break it. Treat your husband as if he was a permanent part of the family, just like your children are. Do not push him away. Yes, there is grief, bitter sorrow, painful suffering and thoughts of hatred, but please, put on the armor of God and allow Him to work thorugh you. In other words, be silent under this time of affliciton. Listen to your husband and his pain. Work everything out with open communication. Get it all out and then let go. . . Push the sin away, because God has forgiven. This is a full sacrifice of self. To be quiet under this pain, while God works at your expense to fulfill His plan. Do not rebel against Him by seeking what pleases self or by thinking that "you deserve better!" How do I deal with the grief? Job 13:15 "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him. . ." We are told in Job that when we are cast down, God will lift us up. (Job 22:29) Here is an opportunity to feel the amazing presence of God. We must resign ourselves to this affliction and allow God's plan to work through us. Let us be silent uner the storm of suffering and not murmur, complain or seek revenge. Let God work it out while we patiently submit to our day to day lives with our hearts in His hand. Go to the Lord for comfort. Seek Him out and you will find Him. During moments of deep sorrow, He is very near. Enjoy His gracious presence and allow Him to fill you with His love. This is sweet manna from Heaven and it will carry you through your tribulations so that in the end you are victorious, meaning you followed God's law and did not rebel or break the commandmetns to get through the suffering. How do I deal with regret? Psalm 22: 1 - 2 "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring? O my God, I cry in the daytime, but thou hearest not: and in the night season, and am not silent." For the one who has committed adultery, this is a sin which has grieved God. Ephesians 4:30 "And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God. . ." Our sin will separte us from Him. We will feel lonely, restless and depressed. It will take time and effort to regain fellowship with God. Ask for pardon and then work to please Him by faithfully seeking His word, learning His law and striving to obey. Psalm 2:11 "Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling." So we see that we are to serve him, but with fear. This fear is because we are afraid to do wrong. We ought to love God so much that we will hate the thought of breaking His law. Then we are to rejoice but with trembling. Why with trembling? We are to tremble at his Almighty presence. We are to always have that sense of fear in our hearts so that we will not grieve Him with our sin. This sin only comes when we are careless. Therefore, when we are rejoicing, we must keep God in our foremost thougths so that we do not become careless. To deal with your feelings of regret, you must know that you are forgiven. Once you've gotten assurance of your pardon from God, do not let the Devil torment you with memories and feelings of painful regret. Push it away. Meditate on the manna of God, the Holy Scriptures. There you will find peace. But no peace will come until a change is made. What can be gained from this? - The Change Galatians 5:16 - 17 "This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. [We are surrounded by temptation which we cannot resist if we are not walking with God and in His law.] For the flesh lustest against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would." It is clear that if we are not close to God, we cannot obey His law. It is not possible to be holy and spiritual when we are corrupted and involved with the cares and lusts of this life. Read Galatians 5:19 - 26 . Okay, but how do we now what God's law is and how do we become holy? Job 28:12 "But where shall wisdom be found? and where is the place of understanding?" the answer is in Job 28:28, "And unto man he said, Behold, the fear of the Lord, is wisdom; and to depart from evil is understanding." To be wise, you must fear God and in order to understand, you must avoid evil. From this affliction, from this terrible sin that has torn up so many, there is still hope. There is an opportunity to draw nearer to God than ever before and not only that, but to stay close to Him! This sin can provoke you to study the Bible with zeal and diligence so that you understand what is required as a child of God. The world has its own laws and they follow the lusts of their flesh. This brings them corruption, sorrow and shame. On the other hand, the children of God have a holy law which keeps us in joy and peace if we obey it. The only reason for suffering, pain and trials is because of sin. If we sow love and obedience, we will reap joy and peace. This joy and this peace even exist during moments of affliction, of which we are not responsible for (such as when someone dies or when someone is in an acciden, etc.) Psalm 25:11 "For thy names sake, O Lord, pardon mine iniquity, for it is great." All have sinned and come short of the glory of God. We must forgive. We must repent and not hold grudges and we must repent. There is none righteous. Forgive this sin just like you would forgive a lie or theft. All sins grieve God and all sins can be forgiven. If you had a drunken husband that abused you, would you forgive him if he repented and began to live anew? Of course. The same goes for adultery no matter how hard it may seem. But the Lord will provide the strength and the love if we seek His way and not our own. Romans 8:5 - 7 "For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be." To have a carnal mind means to be worldly, fleshly, lustful and the opposite of spiritual. While in this state it is impossible to please God. Because our conscience tells us that there is no law and we are free to please ourselves. When we sin, whether it is by committing adultery, or not forgiving our brother, we experience something like a spiritual death. This means the Holy Spirit has departed from our presence because of our sin. Once we repent, and seek only His will and His law, He will return and our spiritual health will be restored. Therefore, we are able to please the Spirit because we are in a spiritual state of mind. Which means that we can resist the temptations of this life and our desires are to please God. Carnal means we desire the world. Spiritual means we desire God. Conclusion The only way to avoid sin is to seek the ways of God. I pray that all who read this wil be comforted, will be relieved and will search the Scriptures for the truth. The lies of this world will one day pass away. Let us not blindly follow them in their sins. There is great reward for those who obey God. And the only way to do this is if we delight in God's word and His presence. . . May the God of peace be with you and guide you on the path to the Heavenly mansions. - Psalm 19:7 - 11 "The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes. The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring for ever: the judgements of the Lord are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them is thy servant warned: and in keeping of them is great reward." Home Site Index